Summer vacation is a strange time for students, and as August approaches, the sense of freedom is diminished by the number of unreasonable assignments that teachers begin to assign one after another.
Combined with the weight of the textbooks in the classroom, the feeling of melancholy in my carry-on bag was overwhelming.
As a sophomore in high school, I am about to take entrance exams next year.
In order to enjoy what is essentially the last long vacation of high school, I have started to hear about assignments and travel plans everywhere.
In those days.
I was having sex with Sachiko almost every day.
"Ah... aanh... Onii, san... nnhaaah!"
"Sachiko... aah... cummi...!!"
I didn't pay attention to the creaking of the bed, and I was disheveled as if I was possessed.
I had no words of love nor technique.
I simply spent my time indulging in sex to satisfy my desires.
Sachiko's long hair sticks to her skin with sweat as she stares at me with unfocused eyes.
The futon had long been dropped at my feet, and the wrinkles in the sheets showed the intensity of the act.
"Nfuahhh... aah... roug...h, hhHH!! Aanh...!"
"Sachiko... haah... cumming... I'm cumming... Sachiko......!"
I hug Sachiko, feel her body temperature and smell, and ejaculate inside my vagina.
In order to stop thinking about Miyu.
As I tried to drive that flickering shadow out of my head, I climaxed in Sachiko's body.
On the floor are two used condoms wrapped in tissue.
"You've already done it three times. You did it many times yesterday too. Do you have that much pent-up sexual desire?"
Although Sachiko exuded the joy of having a man thrust his desires thrust upon her, she narrowed her mouth in resentment.
"Nn-well, something like that."
In contrast to the fiery and intense sex, my heart was completely cold.
Every time I had sex, my emotions were dominated by disappointment and resignation.
I already knew it.
It's not that I've become able to ejaculate without thinking about Miyu.
In the end, this body of mine is just burning with sexual desire fueled by the sense of immorality that comes from falling in love with my little sister.
The more desperately I tried to escape, the more it clung to my head.
"When does summer vacation start again?"
"It's next week. Summer classes start soon."
Since both of our schools have a three-term system, there is no difference in the closing ceremony dates.
I'm planning to work as an event staff member again during summer vacation, but I wonder if I'll have enough money now that I have a girlfriend.
I need to start working long shifts.
"Shall we go downstairs?"
"Yes!"
When Sachiko jumps out of bed, she hurries to change her clothes.
From now on, the two of us will be cooking together.
We also went to amusement facilities and a few sightseeing spots, but in the end, we found that time spent studying and cooking at home was the most enjoyable.
Things like that are perfect for playing around with on an occasional day off.
"What are we making today?"
"We have some potato starch left over, so I think we can make something with it."
I lay out the ingredients and cooking utensils in the kitchen.
The cooking that Sachiko and I cook together is my responsibility for the housework.
Basically, Miyu's also coming to eat with us.
It isn't acceptable to just grill meat in a manly way.
Since we have Chinese cabbage and carrots, let's pair them with pork.
"...As expected, you're really good at this, aren't you? Even people who do this regularly can't cut so effortlessly, you know?"
While I was cutting vegetables on the cutting board, Sachiko watched me closely.
"It's probably thanks to Miyu. When I was little, helping my mother out, Miyu used to warn me a lot about my posture and whatnot."
Before Miyu became more docile, she would always tell me to do this and that.
At that time, I only thought of her as a selfish and noisy little sister, but now that I think about it, she was like a second mother.
...That's still the case, huh.
"I didn't know Miyu-chan would do things like ordering people around."
It seems like I'm the only one who knows about Miyu's past.
Even so, most of my memories are of Miyu being strict and selfish.
She used to be cheerful and sociable, but I wonder if Miyu had any friends from before third grade.
"The rice is cooked so I'll begin serving."
The two of us share the work and make the pork sauce.
After the two of us eat the freshly prepared food, we'll part ways.
Miyu rarely comes home late, so I've been feeding her food while it's still warm.
I don't want to change that even from now on.
I laid out the food and sat across the table with Sachiko.
That side tail of hers gathered to one side is more Sachiko-like.
The topic that comes up between the two of us is the events at school.
That would have been healthy, but since Miyu had told Sachiko about the eroges I had as a reference for sex, there were a lot of questions about 2D.
Sachiko doesn't show any resistance when it comes to most things, so I'm thankful that I can openly share her hobbies.
I'm the type of person who likes to keep my hobbies a secret, even if it's from my lover.
"How long have you been playing naughty games?"
"A while after entering junior high school. I was feeling a little upset and depressed, and that's when a bad friend of mine encouraged me."
"Even though he's a middle school student... I wonder what inspired him to start..."
"He said his older brother left it with him when he left home."
"There are a lot of not-so-good people everywhere, aren't there?"
"Agreed."
It's fun talking to Sachiko.
More than anything, I feel comfortable.
But something's wrong.
Even though we've been together for days, it doesn't feel like we're dating.
I thought it was just our bad meeting, but now that I'm eating with her like this, I can clearly see it.
Sachiko is more like a little sister to me than a girlfriend.
It's like having sex with my second little sister.
I feel at ease when I'm close to her, but I can't feel any deeper emotions.
What a strange conversation.
I have definite feelings for my real little sister, but I feel like a parent towards a girl with whom I have no blood relation to.
Normally, it would be the other way around.
Did Miyu make me like that?
Or was I born that way?
That can't be right.
If I think about it with common sense, there's no way someone can fall in love with their sibling.
Because humans are wired to prefer genes that are further away from themselves in order to leave stronger offspring.
I played too much of my little sister eroges, and my little sister took care of me with all sorts of things.
Over time, my sensibilities went astray.
I don't like my little sister.
I don't use my blood-related little sister as fap material.
I don't ask for blowjobs, and sex is out of the question.
I don't want to rub her boobs.
Because those things are just chunks of fat.
That's right.
Miyu's charm is her ability in being considerate.
That's it.
When I was in junior high school, I was teased so badly by girls that I started to distrust women.
If a woman were to treat me kindly, it would be natural for me to fall in love with her, even if she was my own little sister.
My brain is just paralyzed by the gap between my image of women.
Miyu isn't anything special to me.
She's just an ordinary little sister, like one you'd find in any family.
"Onii-san? What's wrong?"
Sachiko was worried and flustered.
Her chopsticks were stopped in place.
Ever since the two of us took a bath, all I could think about was Miyu.
No matter how much I try to ignore it or think about it in a negative way, I can't get Miyu out of my head.
Even though my lover is right in front of me.
The one I'm going out with, my girlfriend.
Even though she's right here, right now.
"...Sachiko."
I don't know if 'impulse' is the right word.
But I thought this was the only time.
"I have something to tell you."
I have been physically intimate with Sachiko many times.
But sex as lovers didn't exist between us.
"What is it?"
"Actually, right..."
After prefacing with, 'I know you might not understand,' I take a deep breath.
The secret that I haven't told anyone yet.
In order not to cause any trouble to Miyu, I confess my concerns to Sachiko.
"When I'm having sex with Sachiko. I always end up thinking about Miyu."
The only way to explain it simply was to say so.
"Hoeh..."
Sachiko freezes with her mouth open.
She probably doesn't know what I'm talking about.
But this is the truth.
"The reason why Miyu wanted a girlfriend for me in the first place is because I can't ejaculate from anyone but Miyu."
Sachiko's gaze gradually lowered as she listened to the story.
It might have been better not to talk about it at all, considering that I was the only one feeling guilty about it.
However, I didn't want to be in a relationship where I kept betraying Sachiko, who was still young.
I tried my best to have sex thinking about Sachiko.
But in the end, I couldn't ejaculate without thinking about Miyu until the end.
All I did was use her body.
For a woman, that would be the greatest humiliation of all.
"Even though I knew that. It's a bit of a shock when you say it."
"Sorry..."
Immediately after my apology, Sachiko's words echo in my head.
"Eh?"
Wait.
What do you mean, 'I knew that'?
"Rather than knowing it, I thought it might have been a possibility."
It is true that Sachiko is not as depressed as I had imagined her to be.
It is possible that she's hiding her true feelings though.
Even considering that, would she ever contemplate about the possibility of someone's older brother using their real little sister as fap material?
"Actually, there's something I've been keeping a secret from you too."
Our two positions switch.
I never expected a secret from her to be revealed at this last minute.
"It's the same. Me too."
Sachiko scratches her cheek in embarrassment.
"I can't forget the pleasure I felt when Miyu-chan used her fingers for the first time... I was in agony while having sex with Onii-san..."
This time it was my turn to gape.
I am aware that I was having sex without any technique to get rid of any illusion of Miyu.
Still, seeing Sachiko's disheveled appearance made me believe that my sex felt good.
"Really..."
"Really."
What the hell is this?
Even though we were in the position of lovers, were we having sex with each other thinking of someone else?
Besides, that person was my real little sister and her same-sex friend.
Where on earth did we go wrong?
"We are dating, aren't we?"
A rekindling question.
The feeling that was originally weak is becoming even weaker.
"For the time being, I intend on staying as your girlfriend. Like I thought, Onii-san likes Miyu-chan, right?"
"I don't like her... I mean, I don't don't like her. Well, I like her though."
I don't want to admit it, but if it's come to this, I have to admit it.
"Hmm. I just wanted to know what would happen if I had a boyfriend. Either way is fine with me."
Either way is fine.
Those two choices are, of course, whether to continue our relationship as lovers or not.
If I care about Miyu, I shouldn't break up with her.
She took the trouble to introduce me to a girlfriend, and if I break up with Sachiko, I'll only have Miyu.
This leaves zero room for improvement.
However, if you ask me if this is a natural romantic relationship, it's definitely not.
If we continued that kind of relationship, I wouldn't like it any better.
It would be terrible if we were to continue wasting each other's precious youth, resulting in a situation that could become far worse than right now.
"Maybe we should just be friends?"
"Maybe so."
We were quick to settle.
This distorted relationship should not continue.
Looking back objectively, it was the only other option.
After today's meal, we return to being just acquaintances.
No, it was decided from the moment we met that we would become lovers.
This is where we can finally start our rightful relationship.
At the end, we washed the dishes together, but the atmosphere between us remained the same.
I say goodbye to her at the door.
A feeling of emptiness comes to me as she waved my hand and walked away.
A summer afternoon, witnessing the end of my short youth.
All I could feel was how sorry I felt for Miyu.
"I'm home."
Miyu came back at 6 p.m. sharp.
Holding a bag in front of her with both hands.
With a crisp posture, she first stops then takes a breath.
After taking off her loafers, she turns around, patting her skirt, and squats down slightly.
While pushing the hair away from the sides of her face, she turns her shoes outward.
This is the series of movements when Miyu returns home.
Breathtakingly sophisticated.
Where did I come to remember something like this?
"Welcome back."
When I called out to greet her, Miyu gave me a slight nod and said, 'Thanks.'
Miyu in dry mode is somewhat distant, but I like this elegant demeanor of hers.
There remains a meal for one person in the living room.
Seeing that from the corner of her eye, Miyu washed her hands and immediately sat down at the table.
I was wondering when I should say that I broke up with Sachiko.
Miyu continued to eat in silence.
We've been talking a lot lately, so the atmosphere was tense when we weren't talking.
I don't feel at ease even if I just laze around on the sofa.
I would like to read some of the magazines on the shelves, but it's hard to touch them because they're all fashion magazines that Miyu bought.
Without lying down, I sat on the couch jittery.
Suspicious movement even though I was stationary.
My throat is getting dry.
I don't know how to apologise.
I thought it would be refreshing if we broke up.
My heart was agitated by the loneliness of suddenly losing something that had been close to me for so long, and the guilt I felt towards Miyu.
I'm pinned.
While I was thinking about it, Miyu finished her meal.
After carrying the dishes to the sink, she'll return to her room.
There's no time to waste.
If Sachiko were to tell Miyu about our breakup before I did, Miyu would probably get angry and ask why I kept quiet about it.
It's already a difficult position to be in.
I have no choice but to say it.
"Mi-Miyu...!"
As I try to stand up, I get surprised at my own voice's inaudibility.
I wonder if Miyu will be angry if I did it without consulting her.
With such anxiety, I shook my head strongly.
Miyu hasn't come out of the kitchen.
As if she hadn't heard my voice, she took out a cup and started making hot water in a pot.
Leaving it alone, Miyu leaves the living room.
I thought about stopping her, but decided against it, thinking that she might have something else to do in her room while the water boils.
About five minutes later, Miyu returned to the living room.
She stands in the kitchen again, carrying a box I've never seen before.
This is the timing.
There is no guarantee that Miyu will drink what she pours into the cup in the living room.
"Miyu, can I have a moment?"
I managed to find my voice and stood in front of Miyu.
Miyu stops walking and starts blowing air on her cup on the spot.
And then she offered it to me.
"Yes."
When the cup was suddenly passed to me, I politely accepted it with both hands.
As I stood there, Miyu stared at me.
Is it supposed to be a drink?
"For me?"
"Yeah."
A faint sweet scent wafts from the cup.
It was a good-coloured tea.
"This...?"
"Flavoured tea. You seemed kind of depressed."
Miyu seemed to sense my nervousness and was trying to calm me down.
I had never seen flavoured tea before, but I guess this was the one she brought from her room.
"Sorry about that."
"No problem."
Miyu handed me the tea and raised her head with her hands in front of me.
"So, do you need something?"
The double contours in my mind capture me.
Every part about this image in front of me is so well-shaped it looks artificial.
"Actually, about today."
I stare at my reflection on the surface of the tea and pour the hot drink down my throat.
"I broke up with Sachiko."
The aroma of fragrant leaves and the faint sweetness of peach rose from my mouth.
"Is that so."
Miyu was neither angry nor surprised.
I've seen Miyu's expression change a lot due to various things, but now that I think about it, she was originally like this.
"I’m sorry, even though you tried so hard for me."
If there's something to regret, it's only that.
It's a shame that Miyu's efforts were wasted.
"It's okay. Onii-chan is also quite seriously ill, after all."
Miyu's attitude has softened since the toilet incident.
Miyu's sigh at that time was probably a sign that she had given up on trying to rehabilitate me.
"By the way, Onii-chan."
Miyu looks at me with a mysterious look on her face.
Apparently my breakup report was a trivial matter to Miyu.
"I don't really like this kind of thing, but I have one request."
"Oh, please tell me anything. Miyu has always helped me out. I want to be as helpful as I can to you as well."
A favour from Miyu would be so much more than a favour from me.
I can't let the opportunity to return the favour slip away.
"I, might be in a really bad mood tomorrow. ...I don't know how I should say it though. Anyways, I'd appreciate it if you could be careful."
"Haah. That's completely fine."
Tomorrow is a normal weekday, isn't it.
Is it a special event at school?
"Then I'll leave it to you."
Miyu leaves the living room and returns to her room.
As she climbed the stairs, her back was as beautiful as ever.
(T/N: While ambiguous, 'double contours' probably refers to a momentary visual overlap between his delusional 'artificial image' and the actual scene itself)
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